By Dr. Sarah Williams, LPC, NCC
You Look Pretty
I opened my eyes and realized that it was 6 a.m. I had allowed myself a few hours of sleep between 3 a.m. and 6 p.m. and yes, I felt guilty for closing my eyes even briefly. My role as wife to the man I married and loved for years now needed me to be his caregiver. I look outside and see what appears to be normalcy for everyone else, but in my house, although there are children here it is complete silence. It was like an evil daily vigil. I don’t wake them, instead, I walk to the doorway of the room where my husband slept. I would wait at the door and watch for the rise and fall of his chest. Is there a breath? Will he open his eyes today? Or will I have to face his death? I had to endure the impending reality that I am watching him pass away―slowly―daily.
Most days I sit next to him and watch him, mixtures of love, fear, grief, and anger all at once. The lively active man that was Active Duty Navy, and a leader in government; these two careers took him away from us constantly. He was finally home. However, this time he could not enjoy us nor pour into us. The Cancer was winning the battle and I hated the whole thought of it. How could it be? I eventually got to a point that I was finished with asking why, but resolved to wonder when? I wondered, when was he going to finally leave us for good?
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